I'm happy to say that most of what I read was good. The bad parts were pretty glaring and easy to fix. I've written a query letter and tomorrow I'll email the query and the first chapter to an agent who represents some of my favourite authors.
So I've reached a crossroad and I find myself hesitating to get back into the unfinished novel. It's quite an exciting outline that I wrote twenty years ago. It's been waiting a long time to be heard and, since the outline is long and detailed, there shouldn't be a problem so why am I procrastinating?
In my case, procrastination is my middle name. I'll always find a way to avoid doing something that scares me even if I have to resort to cleaning toilets. I already did that this morning so I'm looking for something else that needs attention. Why am I afraid of getting back into the new novel? Fear of failure, perhaps, or fear of success. Every writer wants to be successful and admired, but there's a lot of responsibility that goes along with success. Each new novel must be better than the last. These days a novelist must have a blog and a website and keep them up-to-date. Marketing is essential and best-selling authors must travel across the country or even the globe promoting their work. Unknown authors must work just as hard, if not harder, at promoting their novels. All these things take time away from the process, the creation of words. The reason we write is because the words in our heads demand to be heard.
I have a writers' circle next week and know I must write a new chapter to read to the group. I've been away from the manuscript for several months now and I think the best way to get back into it is to read what I've written. I'll try not to edit as I read and hopefully the words will start flowing and I'll find my groove. If not the toilet will need cleaning again by then.
You're not alone on the cusp. Reaching back into unfinished work is like standing on the edge of a precipice, not knowing whether you can survive the grueling task of jumping back and finishing the job. I guess there would be more enthusiasm for our work at this end if there was more enthusiasm at the other end - where you could come away with the feeling that all our hard work wasn't in vain. That it's not just about numbers and the publisher's bottom line. Yes, we all know that agents are busy, but they should never be too busy for common courtesies - just a quick line that they've received your work. Or even if it's not what they want,a short hint as to why it was rejected. It seems to me that it's not too much to ask for all that is required of us.
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